Premature Ejaculation: What It Is, Why It Happens, and How to Take Back Control

Almost nobody asks the question out loud, even though so many think to themselves, “Is this normal?” If you’ve Googled the term “premature ejaculation” after 11 PM out of desperation for real answers and not more judgment, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common searches for sexual health. However, it’s one of the least discussed topics at dinner. Let’s put this one to bed, together.

What Is Premature Ejaculation?

Simply put, premature ejaculation (PE) is ejaculating earlier than either one of the persons (or both) finds ideal during sex, be it after penetration within a minute or two or even prior to the penetration.

PE does not define someone’s value, masculinity or experience. It is a recognized medical condition that is one of the most common concern for men and is something that both men and doctors recognize. There are two types of PE:

• Lifelong PE is something that is with a person from the first time they ever had sexual activity.
• Acquired PEis the other type of PE, where normal control is lost sometime later in a person’s life.

The effects of PE are not on the person with the penis only. PE creates frustration, distance, and a lack of communication for both the partner and the person. This is not just “his” issue, this is a “couple’s” issue.

What Causes PE?

Premature ejaculation (PE) normally has multiple contributing factors which means it is rarely caused by just one factor. These can be psychological or physiological.

There are several Psychological causes that include:

• Performance anxiety, especially if a first time partner is involved.
• General tension in day to day life or within relationships.
• Depression, anxiety, low self-confidence etc.
• Sexual encounters that were rushed or secretive.

There are also several physiological factors such as:

• Levels of Serotonin and other hormones.
• Self reported levels of urethral or prostate irritation
• Genetics
• Thyroid related problems.

These factors live mostly in the mind and not the body. This is why open communication and emotional support are important addition to any physical treatment.

You Are Not Alone

If you only remember one thing from this article, this should be it: premature ejaculation is a lot more prevalent than the silence around it would lead you to believe. This happens regardless of age, background, or relationship. This doesn’t just impact ‘young and inexperienced’ people, which is the unhelpful stereotype.

It’s completely understandable that embarrassment leads to avoidance of intimacy and a loss of confidence because of it. However, it doesn’t have to be this way on a permanent basis.

Myths vs. Facts

There are a number of things that remain misunderstood about this issue and it all stems from a lack of information. Let’s address a few things.

Myth: Only young and/or inexperienced men experience this.

Fact: PE occurs at all ages and in men of all levels of sexual experience.

Myth: It means there is a fundamental problem with you.

Fact: It is a treatable condition that is common and well understood; it is not a permanent lack of value that you have as a partner.

Myth: It just goes away on its own.

Fact: It can go away on its own, although usually the best way is to tell your partner, use some techniques, or get some counseling.

Myth: It only affects the person involved.

Fact: Since both people have to be involved for it to be intimate, all partners of all gender identities play a role in the problem and the solution.

How Is It Treated?

Here is the good news: premature ejaculation is a treatable condition. Some of the treatments for this condition include the following:

• Behavioral therapies such as the technique of stopping and starting or the technique of squeezing.
• Pelvic floor exercises to build control.
• Therapy or counseling to help address relationship stress or anxiety.
• There are medical treatments. They can range from local treatments to prescriptions and should be determined by your doctor.
• Having a conversation with your partner (this helps a lot because it takes off the pressure).

Having a conversation with a doctor or a urologist should be your first action. It will feel embarrassing for about 30 seconds, but for them it is just another appointment. Real, effective help exists.

A Note for Partners

If your partner is experiencing premature ejaculation, your response really matters. Instead of getting frustrated, show them patience, and replace silence with discussions. It isn’t bad for your relationship; it is an issue you both can deal with and work towards to either by implementing new techniques, shifting expectations, or speaking more freely about your intimate practices.

Final Thoughts

Around the world, premature ejaculation happens, sometimes without control, and there are solutions available. Understanding premature ejaculation on the levels of cause and effect, and understanding the emotional burden and the available remedies, helps to replace premature anxiety with self-assuredness.

People who are experiencing this, or people for whom this happens, don’t have to live under the burden of definition; this can be resolved with the support you need.